There is a fear (I wouldn’t call it respect) that I have for elderly people. They are the only people I can practically take any form of crap from — they can make whatever remarks they want about me (and don’t they always do!), and I will do whatever they ask me to, however manipulative! I have always imagined a direct correlation exists between increase in age and wisdom.
So, I figured I would keep getting wiser as I aged. I did stupid reckless things as a teenager and my early twenties were a blur – mostly a struggle to create a future for myself. Now that I am over 25, I thought I would have things more figured out…at least better than I did when I was 16 or 18. I now almost miss those years of guided ignorance!
When I was still living with parents, I knew exactly what was expected of me, and I was often reminded of what I had to do to achieve it. It wasn’t always that easy to get, there would even be a few tears…but eventually you would get there. Or even if you didn’t, someone would hold you up and make excuses for you..they would eventually find you another more suitable path to follow.
It is very different now. There’s a particular destination everyone expects you to have reached by a certain age, but no one shows you how to get there. To make it worse, you now even have a choice…you can choose to get there or not, having the consequences of your actions at the back of your mind. There are so many paths to follow, you can be anything you want, or even nothing at all!I only wish someone would set some form of measuring stick for me to measure the progress of my life-journey with!
Now as I age out of my youths, I can’t help missing the days when I had everything figured out (or figured out for me). I miss the ‘wisdom’, or its resemblance, and the certainty that I felt when I was younger! I miss the routines, the instructions, and above all, l miss viewing month ends for the conclusion of things that they should signify, contrary to viewing them as seasons to pay bills.
But, I wouldn’t give up this independence and uncertainty for anything!