I had always wanted to move to a new place where no one knew me – where I knew no one. I wanted to have a fresh start, to be someone else, to be the person I had always wanted to be, that is, anyone else besides who I currently was. Don’t get me wrong, I love myself infinitely! I thought I would start by going to an optician, to get a second pair of eyes to fix this short eye sight! After all, no one would know me there, it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t look good with them….they would have nothing to compare my new self with.
I would then probably get my hair dreadlocked – finally! I had always wanted to do this one, but we have all seen those ugly short dreads! No one wants that! When you think of dreads, you imagine Veronica (from Shameless, the series)….she has such beautiful long dreads! We don’t want to think about those short dreads that make you look like some mad woman on the streets! No one wants to be seen looking like that by people who know them. I thought it would be easier to take such judgement from strangers…hence my need for a new beginning in a new land where no one knows me.
There is also that shitty personality thingy, that I hope I am not the only one struggling with. Most days I wake up feeling good, and intending to be polite to everyone and to treat everyone nicely, even those who start the day plotting how to make others wish they were dead. You get to work, and meet one of those morons and … just like that…all your good intentions are gone! You change back into the crazy mean person you were yesterday, and before you know it, it becomes a daily thing, then a habit…and then becomes YOU. You try to blame it on the moron, but deep down you know ( or most of us know), you are to blame for that shitty attitude, it’s you that lacks self control or the confidence to not let people or situations turn you into whatever they want! You develop a certain dislike for the ‘thing’ you see yourself evolving into, and you desperately want a change. I wanted that change so badly, and I thought moving to a new place would make it easier for me to be a better person.
I then got a chance to move to a new place where no one knew me, an opportunity to start over. The optician-glasses-thing…that I have not yet done. I have not yet womaned up enough to unleash my geeky side! The dreads…I did that one! I have a really great guy who does them…they do not look like Veronica’s yet, or won’t any time soon, but I’m happy with the baby steps! The shitty personality, hmmm, that requires more work than I had anticipated…I’m not giving up though!